Hippy Geeky Me

Reminds me of primary school...

2010-11-28T13:11:00.018+13:00

When I was a little girl in primary school we would have to write up 'what we did in the holidays' almost every year, with every new teacher. Groan. But that's pretty much what I'm doing here now!

Having dropped the young lad off at his Nana's, I dawdled my way home. A long slow drive with some good music, stopping any place I wanted to, enjoying scenery. I could feel a little peace climbing into my mind already and it felt good :) Unfortunately I still had to wait one more day to have the house to myself, my friend / boarder ('S') had to hang around for an appointment the next morning but he thought he'd be gone before I was even out of bed.

Wednesday morning rolls around and I'm feeling a little more of that peace, enjoying having the house to myself, cleaning up a bit and listening to some of my old CDs. Then S comes home. He hadn't actually got around to packing so he had to come home and get his stuff.

2 hours later, he's sitting at his computer and hasn't packed a single thing. I remind him gently about packing and going away and he says he was *just* about to do that...

But an hour later he still hasn't packed! Anyway, long story short, he was packed and ready to go by about 4pm, I saw him off and came inside to let out a long deep breath and grin. YAY!! I bought myself an unhealthy dinner (Chinese smorgasbord) and settled in to enjoy my night with a movie. Later I sewed a cushion cover - I really just wanted to be able to use the sewing machine late at night without anyone complaining about the noise!

Thursday was mostly spent pottering around at home. I planted some seeds, pulled some weeds, hung some washing out, general ho hum sort of stuff which was just nice to do in peace. I caught up with some friends down the beach and had a chat.

Friday was a bit tricky. I was going up north a bit to have dinner with my Dad. I left early so I could do some Christmas shopping on the way, bought myself some lunch and ate it by the beach. It was gorgeous and peaceful except for hopeful Seagulls waiting for me to drop crumbs for them - which I did, because I'm a big softie!

I didn't sit there for long, maybe 4 minutes - just enough time to eat the best bacon & egg croissant in the world - but I had the fan running because it was sooooooo hot in the sun. Bad idea! When I went to leave, the car wouldn't start. I completely forgot that my battery was weak - I should have bought a new one 4 or 5 months ago when I first realised it needed replacing, but it's behaved so well that I completely forgot.

At first I didn't realise it was the battery - the car would try to start but then the starter motor made some clicking noises and it was all downhill from there. I popped the bonnet, but no idea what I was looking for, so just idly looked around, tightened things, cleaned goop off the battery, and then... well now what?! I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with a dead car! I don't have a work phone number for Dad since he started his new job. Everyone else was an hour or more away and I wasn't even sure how much charge I had left in my cellphone. I grabbed it anyway, trying to think of who I could call to help (and kicking myself for not joining AA rescue when I had the chance). That's when I noticed I had hardly any reception either! And just to kick myself one more time, I also realised that when I started using my old cellphone (the newer one is waiting for me to fix the battery charger - it seems I'm all about batteries these days) I never transferred all the phone numbers over. So I had a few old numbers but none that would help me, unless... unless I called S who I realllllllly didn't want to call.

*sigh*

For some reason, with low reception it would only go through to the answer phone but that was a good step in the right direction. When I did finally get to talk to S he offered to come and help. To be honest, I wasn't sure how much help he could be - he knows a little bit about cars but with all that's been going on with him lately he has a habit of getting things quite wrong. So I was very very relieved when an older couple stopped to see if I was OK. A lovely man came and said it was just the slack battery (which was when I slapped my forehead and remembered the same thing myself). So I grabbed the booster from the boot of the car and voila, she started with ease. Phew!

S hadn't even left (coz he's just that organised kinda guy...) so I saved him a trip and drove straight up to Dad's, scared to stop anywhere in case the car didn't start again.

It was a great night with my Dad. We chatted about all sorts and he made a yummy dinner - I do love his cooking. The car behaved for the drive home too (phew).

This morning was spent visiting the markets and pulling some weeds. A nice calm day so far, with no drama. Then came the phone call from my sister... My poor baby boy (doesn't matter that he's 14, when he's not OK he's my baby boy instantly) vomited this morning and then fell asleep. Oh no :( On further investigation it turns out that they'd eaten leftover meat pizza for breakfast, and that it had been sitting out all night - not a good idea, especially with this hot weather! Then they'd gone out for lunch and sat in the sun... not at all surprised his poor body rejected old pizza and too much sunshine.

All is well again now - Young Lad is feeling better now, my car is running fine (mental note - new battery ASAP!), and I'm back to enjoying my last couple of hours to myself before S and the lad turn up again.

I really think this break was good for me, and for all of us. I will be doing it again, all things willing, because it's got to be good for us to have a refreshing time doing different things away from each other. I'm sure things will slip back to normal in no time at all but in the mean time, after that break, I suspect we'll all appreciate each other a bit more and have a little more patience with each other :)

The biggest thing I learnt from my time was that there's nothing I can't do even when they are all home! That peace came from within me, and hopefully can be recreated any time. Regardless ... it's still nice to get a break :)

I've realised that a lot of my stress is caused by me so often thinking that I should be doing something else at just about any point in time. I'm not as busy as I think I am - I'm just never satisfied with doing the thing I'm doing there & then, even when I'm relaxing. Why should I worry about the dishes when I'm enjoying the sun? Why should I fret about getting a break when I'm washing the dishes? I can just decide what I'm doing, do it, and move on.

So now I'm recharged and ready to face the world again :)

Going on a - or staying on a - staycation!

2010-11-22T11:31:00.027+13:00

There's a lot going on in my life right now and to be honest it's sometimes just TOO much. I use a lot of 'positive thinking' (or whatever you want to call it) to keep myself afloat, but sometimes it gets overwhelming and I feel like I'll crumble under the weight of it all.

Last week was like that - really tough. I'm starting to accept that Nana isn't going to be around forever, and letting go of that denial started breaking down my walls. I just can't stay that strong all the time. That lead to some soul searching, and the realisation that I'm still not looking after ME enough.

I found myself wishing I could go on holiday and leave it all behind. But I can't - it would be pretty irresponsible of me to leave a bi-polar boarder with an ADHD kid and expect to come home to find them both alive and the house still standing. Might be OK further down the road when they both have medication sorted out but certainly not now while they're both going through changes and weird moods. [Actually I'm not sure it would ever be OK. Sometimes I say I have two teenagers in the house - one is 14 and the other is 55. 'nuff said, right?]

SO along came plan B. Send everyone else on holiday instead!

Starting Tuesday, my son is going to spend 2 nights with my parents, then 2 nights with my sister. Wow - I normally only get a couple of nights away a YEAR. 4 nights in a row? Damn!

That still left me with my boarder to look after. I had a talk with him and he'd been thinking about getting away for a bit. His medication has been good lately and he feels he'd be ok alone (and I agree). He's off to spend 4 nights at my parents bach (beach house) with no phone, no computer, no TV, etc. Excellent.

He couldn't afford to leave until Thursday but I offered to loan him some money - even though I swore I wouldn't do that any more because he already owes me far too much. He asked "Are you trying to get rid of me?" To which my reply could only be a simple "Yes!".
He understands :)

So from Tuesday afternoon it will be just me and the cats. I think I can handle looking after 7 cats when there's no one else around to look after. Piece of cake! (to be honest, I'd be rather lonely without them!)

I'm DEFINITELY going to play loud music and dance around the house. I might sew with my noisy sewing machine at 1am and there'll be no one to complain. I'll be baking at midnight and eating whatever I want, whenever I want. I might even try meditation (always kinda tricky with other people banging and crashing around the house!) and I think I'll take long walks on the beach. I might sunbath naked on my deck! (Uh... nah...probably not). I might make a huge mess and leave it. (Again, probably not - I suspect I'll end up doing heaps of tidying just because there wont be anyone else around to make it messy again!).

This is gunna rock :)
Is it Tuesday yet??

Yay for blogger's templates :)

2010-11-21T23:29:00.000+13:00

When I started with blogger there weren't any decent templates for pretty blogs... I downloaded my own. It was very pretty, but not at all practical. I couldn't access my dashboard from it, and today I realised that it cut off all old posts - there was no link at all to stuff past the first page! So, off with its head. And its body. And its little toes too, the bastard.

I probably haven't finished playing but at least I now have a working blog. Sorry if it's kinda bright - bring your own sunglasses :)

With this new template I seem to have lost my links and other sidebar stuff :(
That'll teach me to back up before I play around!
No it wont, I always learn the hard way.
pffft.

So anyway, 'scuse the mess while I do some remodelling around here...

Flours and flowers

2010-11-21T21:21:00.000+13:00

Look Mum, I made dinner rolls :D

Actually, Mum wont see because I haven't shared my blog with my family... but you can see how perfect they are, can't you? Hmmm I'm proud of these little gems!

They came out pretty much 100% perfect but I wont share the recipe until I have the gluten free flours fully sorted. Then I promise I'll share the soft puffy light & tasty dinner roll goodness with you all :)

In the meantime you can marvel at my cleverness *ahem* with this little pin cushion I whipped up with help from 2 craft blogs here (home made mamas) and here (futuregirl) (I recommend both blogs to anyone into crafts. I'm totally hooked on Futuregirl's crafty stuff and geekiness combined :)

Today at Nana's

2010-11-16T18:24:00.001+13:00

I was at Nana's again today chopping veg for our pickle making tomorrow (trying not to cry over the onions!). When I was done she came out with some goodies for me - oooohhh buzz :)

An old biscuit box, what a giggle to see the old Hudson branding. I'm not sure how old this is but I don't think we've had Hudson biscuits (or Hudson bear!) since I was a young'un.

Inside was this wonderful stash:

Genuine wool felt. A wonderful pile of big pieces. Time to get crafty again! I've been thinking about making this African Violets pin cushion but I had no felt. Well now I do, thanks Nana! There's no purple in there, so I guess I'll make red flowers (red being my fav bright & chirpy colour anyway...)

I just had one of those moments of realisation.

ME... making a pin cushion? I'm reminding myself that I'm not very feminine, I don't really do crafts, I'm the one who can change a spark plug and check the oil and fix other people's video players and computers... I think I'm definitely getting softer with age. And I'm quite happy with that!

Also in this fantastic stash of goodies was this:

Amazing ribbon.The colours are much brighter but my camera had trouble getting a good picture. What I love the most about this is its age - this is no new crappy made-in-China cheapo. This appears to have silk, and hand made bits. Good quality. And I have a couple of meters of it! I think it will be the trim on a bag to start with. And then, the world!

I very much love the stuff I'm getting from Nana lately. Excellent quality goodies. But most of all, it's special to me because it's from my Nana who I adore :)

Edited to add: I made the pickle and it was easy and fun. Nana was in too much pain to help but she was in a great mood, she called me 'Cookie' and made jokes, and now she's raving to the rest of the family about how wonderful I am. I reckon that went pretty well!

Mondays with Nana

2010-11-15T23:19:00.002+13:00

Every 2nd Monday I go to Nana's and do some housework for her. She has Arthritis and Lung Cancer so needs a little support. After the housework is done I sit with her over a cup of tea and we have a good chat. It's a very special time for me - and apparently for her too :)

I have always been fond of my Nana. As kids we used to stay the night with her and Grandpa, we'd play board games, make creative stuff, or just chat, I always looked forward to seeing her. As I got older we stayed less, but Nana and I wrote letters to each other. Then I thought I was a little too old to be writing to my Nana and I didn't have much to do with her for years, other than weddings, funerals and big birthdays in the (rather large) family.

When I moved up here to the Coast I was only a one minute drive from Nana's house but I was often too scared to see her. I would pop in sometimes but I didn't stay for long and never knew what to say. Thankfully, that changed when she had a reaction to the drugs the doctor put her on a couple of years back and she ended up in hospital. I cleaned her house, visited her in hospital, and drove her to later appointments. When she asked me if I'd help her out with some housework on a regular basis I jumped at the opportunity to help and we set up the every 2nd Monday routine which has been going nicely ever since. I spend about an hour on some basic housework, then we sit and chat about this & that & what the family are up to. We might look at photos, talk about cryptic crosswords, or look at some of her writing. Sometimes she tells me about her life - she thinks she's boring me but I love to hear those stories.

Today, Nana asked me if I'd help her make cucumber pickle one day soon. Somehow, I find that really heart warming. It just sounds like the kind of thing that you're meant to do with a grandmother, doesn't it? I'm really looking forward to it, hopefully we'll get started tomorrow.

I still haven't quite dealt with the fact that she wont be around forever. I'm making the most of our time together but I can't help but wish for more time. Cancer sucks.

I'll be writing about Nana a lot more here, so I can hold on to some of these lovely memories. I only wish I'd been writing over the last year, so much has happened over that time.

Now I'm a crafty little upcycler too...

2010-11-07T21:26:00.000+13:00

Although I consider myself a learner on the sewing machine, I'm kinda proud of what I've been coming up with lately totally out of recycled materials:

Lots of supermarket shopping bags (or market bags or take-stuff-to-the-beach bags or... whatever!) made from curtain sample scraps bought from the Op Shop - most were 50c!

This one is my best shopper so far. Maybe you can't tell from the photo but it's a nice calm colour, even feels nice, and it's got a flat bottom which makes it heaps easier to use for groceries. I'll be making them all like this from now on I think. Some of the original bags are too big, or have handles that are too long etc... but I'm learning as I go :)

Here's the first bag I made - with no previous knowledge of how to make bags at all. Lots of trial and error here! I made the flower after watching a tutorial on youtube but the rest is free sewing and experimenting.

It's actually quite small. And the handle is just plaited calico strips - I thought I'd find something better to replace it with but I doubt I'll ever use the bag so it can stay as it is!

This next bag is Favourite Bag Of All (so far!). It was made from a skirt ($1 at the Op Shop) wasn't too tricky to figure out, apart from unpicking the zip (geez they put them in very very well!) and getting the pocket sorted inside while trying not to sew the front and back of the bag together accidentally!

What do you think? I love it - but so did a few of my friends so I let it go (hey they were willing to pay, I'm not stupid!)

This is what I've been working on today, it just needs straps.

It's made from the thigh of a pair of jeans.Not sure if I like it yet, but I never like any of them at the time. It's not until I've gone hours or days without looking at them that I can see them how they really are.

And this is my embarassing mess of a sewing area (check out the ancient sewing machine).

I've been using this area for days without really *looking* until I saw just how messy it had got today. But wait, there's more! The window sill is covered in bobbins, cottons, pins, needles and scraps. Off to the right there's an ironing board (an old solid one with a sheet for a cover!), to the left another messy pile of material. The floor is scattered with little bits of cotton and cut off bits and the jeans I cut the above bag from are still scattered in pieces on the floor. The clean up can wait, though, for now I'm busy making more mess!

My Nana used to be a seamstress. She's made all my aunties' wedding dresses, clothes for me and my sisters and cousins when we were little, curtains and clothes galore. She was fantastic at it. So it's been great to have something to talk with her about. It is sad that she can no longer sew but I hope she is happy that the sewing bug lives on through me! It made my day to make her the wheat pack she so desperately wanted :)

I've had a lot of fun 'upcycling'. I'm more confident sewing when I don't have to worry about ruining expensive material. It's great to make use of old clothes, curtain samples, an unwanted duvet cover and all my Nana's old cottons (fantastic stash of wonderful old cottons!).

A new sewing machine will have to be added to the long term plan. This Singer I'm using at the moment is my sister's and it's rather old, a little touchy, and it's built in to the table so there's no arm to wrap things around which makes it very awkward for anything that isn't just flat. My sewing machine is on the floor to the right, almost as old, but very much broken. *sniffle*. But for now I'm managing to fight with the machine I've got and it looks like I'm winning... most of the time ;)

Greek bread / pizza bread, gluten free.

2010-10-29T01:19:00.001+13:00

I brought some Greek flat bread at the markets a few weeks ago and was inspired to try making some myself. The recipe I found makes two loaves, but since I was changing things around to make it gluten free I halved it to make just one in case it was a failure. Good thing I did, because even the half recipe made two good sized loaves!

That's no problem... one becomes a pizza bread (topped with the bits you see in the photo - tomato paste, sun dried tomatoes, blue brie cheese, parmesan cheese, and chopped black olives.

Yum :) I'd call that a success!

To make Gluten free Greek flat bread: (the halved recipe - double it if you want)

- 3 teaspoons active dry yeast
- 2 tablespoons sugar (I find that's just too much! I used less)
- 1 cup warm water (I needed another few tablespoons full, maybe because of the different flours)
- 4 cups gluten free flours (I used 2c buckwheat, 1c tapioca, 1c cornflour) plus a little more flour for rolling out etc
- 1 teaspoon each of guar gum and xanthan gum (or 2t of either one)

- 2 teaspoons salt (I used a bit less)
- 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
- more oil for brushing on later
- toppings - chunky salt or sesame seeds or pizza toppings or something else or nothing at all.

In one bowl dissolve the yeast, sugar and a couple of tablespoons of the flour in the warm water. Leave it to stand for about 15 minutes or until it starts to bubble.
In another bowl mix the flours with the salt.
Make a well in the middle of the flour, pour in the oil and the yeast mixture and mix with a wooden spoon until it's all combined.
Knead for a minute or two (at least 10 if using wheat flour) on a floured surface (this is where I turn the bread maker on and borrow a couple of minutes of its dough cycle!). Your dough should feel smooth at this point, not sticky.
Shape it into a ball (or just leave it in the bread maker). Leave it to rise for about 2 hours or until doubled in size.
Punch down and knead for another minute or two (6 or 7 minutes if you use wheat) (hello bread maker, I love you for saving me from all this kneading!) (man I love that GF flours don't need so much kneading). (A little too heavy on the brackets??).
Shape it into 2 long flat loaves (as pictured). Brush with oil and add salt or sesame seeds if using them. Leave to rise for half an hour or so, or until it's a little bigger and doesn't bounce back when you poke a finger in.
Poke poke poke with your finger all over the top of the bread. If you're making pizza bread, this is the time to layer on just a little tomato paste, then whatever toppings you like.
Bake at 230c / 450 f (yes, really that hot, and well pre-heated) for about 18 - 20 minutes. It should look golden and sound a little hollow if you tap it. (Don't judge by the colour of mine - the photo was taken at midnight without a flash so the colour isn't true).

Enjoy!

Note: Using that much buckwheat flour creates a wholemeal-like loaf. You might want to use less for a whiter loaf - or none at all, just replace with other trusted non-wheat flours. I wouldn't suggest rice flour because it has a tendency to be quite gritty.

So it's been nearly a year since my last confession...

2010-10-29T01:14:00.000+13:00

Hey, long time no see...

It's not that I don't want to blog - I still think about it all the time, but my focus has changed. I'm still gardening, still homeschooling, but they're not the big things in my life any more.

Nowadays life's focus is more about the health of my family. My Nana has Cancer (That was very hard for me to write - I'm still in denial). My mother has a dud thyroid. My friend (who is also my boarder) has mental health issues. So I'm to trying to help them all out while still being a homeschooling single mum, bringing up a teenager, and staying sane. Life gets interesting...

The garden has definitely suffered but it's still there. We've had some crap garden weather in the last couple of years, all the vegetable gardeners I know have had trouble of some sort, especially with broccoli, cauli and other brassicas. Nonetheless I've had some successes here and there and I still love my garden. An hour in the garden is a great form of meditation / relaxation :)

So, if you don't mind that my garden / family blog is stretching it's wings into a garden / family / gluten free cooking / cancer / graves disease / bi-polar / depression / general rant blog, then I'm hoping to become a regular blogger again. I've missed writing and the clarity it helps bring to my thoughts.

Nearly a year since my last post, here comes my first from a new beginning!

Wordy

2009-11-14T00:01:00.003+13:00

My camera died ages ago, and what's a blog without pics? So today I present to you a post with 2 reasons behind it. One is to coincide with World Diabetes Day (November 14), the other is to have a reason to post a whole lot of words when I can't show you anything else I'm doing! I'm dying to take pics of my garden but it'll have to wait.

I find it really hard to talk about my health issues around people who don't already know all about it. Coming up with a post to write that my readers could understand was tricky. So I'm cheating and pinching a meme that went around for National Invisible Illness Awareness Week. Wow... that almost beats Talk Like a Pirate Day.

So, on with the meme... I hope you'll find diabetes a little easier to understand, or at least learn a little something about me and what I deal with.

1. The illness I live with is: Type 1 Diabetes (aka Crapped-Out Pancreas)

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2004, I think

3. But I had symptoms since: 2003 (and mild symptoms for years before that but I only noticed that in hindsight). I was lucky that I had the slow onset type 1. Most type 1s get it and get it good - all of a sudden they've gone from healthy to in a coma, or at least close to it, and very very ill. My type 1 is also called 'LADA (Latent Auto-immune Diabetes in Adults) because it comes on slower and gets us typically at a later age. A typical type 1 gets it in childhood. A typical LADA is anywhere from late childhood to 50+. (Remembering of course that we're not all typical!)

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Learning to inject at least 5 times a day - though that one is easier than you'd imagine. Learning to test my blood sugar 4 - 12 times a day - also easy-ish but much more annoying - An incredibly helpful tool in dealing with diabetes though! Those two are the biggest changes for what I do in my life, but it's the psychological changes that affect me the most. The stigma that goes with diabetes (you'll hear about that later!), the frustration that goes with it, the occasional bursts of unpredictable roller coaster blood sugars that are hard to control and make it hard for me to keep up with normal day to day things.

5. Most people assume: that I can't eat sugar. False! Diabetes is NOT an allergy to sugar. It's the body's inability to transform ALL carbohydrates into energy. That includes your piece of toast, and that little bit of carb in carrots, or anything else with even the littlest bit of carb. However thanks to my injections I can eat any carb - yes, even sugar - with a little careful thinking first.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: most mornings are fine - but when I wake up with high blood sugar I feel like I've been run over by a train. It can take up to 4 hours for my insulin injection to fix that up, and those are the mornings that suck big time.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: I don't watch enough TV to have an answer to this.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Well I'd say a CGMS (Continuous Glucose Measuring System), as it would make my life SO much easier... but as it is, I *am* living without one. And I'm not likely to get one unless I have a lotto win, they're painfully expensive. So I guess the true answer to this question would be: My insulin injections. And you can take that literally - without those injections I would be lucky to survive a couple of days. Damn that's a sobering thought.

9. The hardest part about nights are: again most nights are fine - but sometimes I get a surprise low or high that wakes me up. If I have low blood sugar it's a bit like being tiddly, I can't quite walk straight, or think straight, and yet I have to get up and have some form of quick acting carbohyrate (like juice, fizzy drink, lollies). It's hard enough to put one foot in front of the other but I have to stay alert enough to test my blood sugar, eat something, and stay awake to make sure it's getting better.

High blood sugars are a little easier at night because they make me tired - a handy thing when I'm in bed already. But I also feel as if I haven't slept for a few nights in a row, and I'm really uncomfortable all over, super dooper thirsty (I can guzz down 2 full glasses of water and still feel thirsty) and I'll also be desperate for a pee thanks to my kidneys trying to help by flushing all that extra glucose out of my body, taking a lot of liquid & goodness with it (thus the extreme thirst).

10. Each day I take: insulin. 2 injections of long acting insulin to cover the every-day background needs, and 3+ injections of fast acting insulin (fast means 3 - 4 hours as opposed to 20 - 24 hours, so not really fast) to cover every meal or snack I eat, and to correct high blood sugars.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: haven't yet found one that cures type 1 diabetes, but I have seen good things about cinnamon and vinegar for helping type 2 diabetics. Boo for us type 1s!

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Hmmm. I like that no one can see my illness, so they can take me at face value. At least people can't judge me by what they know (which is often about type 2, and often media hype, and often incorrect, dammit). Sometimes I wish it was more visible so then I'm having a rough time others could understand why I'm acting weird or having trouble keeping up... but I'd rather they just think I'm strange, actually!

13. Regarding working and career: I guess I'm lucky in that I don't currently work and haven't had to deal with that. I don't look forward to the day I do! I know from others' experiences that it can be awkward to keep good control while fitting in in the work place and doing a good job. However... I'm willing to try once I'm done with homeschooling my lad.

14. People would be surprised to know: that I can eat as much chocolate as I like. But I have trouble with potatoes and bananas.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my reality has been: that I've lost the ability to be spontaneous. I wont drive without testing, I can't just grab any old junk food for a meal without testing first, calculating how much insulin I need, and then dealing with the bouncy numbers for hours afterwards (take away foods are evil on blood sugars). I can't just go for a walk without being well prepared and having my timing right.

However... I'm mostly fine with that because I just keep my handbag by my side at all times so I can sometimes be a little spontaneous. I call my bag my Portable Pancreas - it has sweets, insulin, tester, and water - my 4 most important tools for dealing with fluctuating blood sugar, and my cellphone which could come in handy if I should have an emergency, and a card that says I'm a diabetic should I ever be found passed out in a corner somewhere and need to be carted off to hospital (that is something I shall make sure *never* happens, dammit!).

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Hmm. I haven't done anything interesting that could fit in here. How sad is that? I can live a pretty normal life so I'm happy with that :) If there was anything I wanted to do I'd find a way to do it, diabetes or not!

17. The commercials about my illness: are popular in America but unheard of here. You might see a little about type 2 diabetes but we type 1s aren't popular enough for advertising unless you read a diabetes magazine. (FYI Type 1s only make up 5 - 10% of the diabetic population)

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: not having to do maths in my head all day every day. Poop. Ok, not all day... but often my mind is ticking over: Am I ok right now? What time was my last injection? Ok so that leaves about 25% of my insulin still working. What did I eat? Right, well that was fastish acting and will have digested by now. Could I be going low? I need to test in the next 15 minutes to avoid catastrophe... and on and on it goes. So. Many. Numbers. Time vs insulin units vs grams of carbs. Fun! :P

19. It was really hard to have to give up: the ability to eat what other people put in front of me. I can't totally blame diabetes for that one, though - if it was just diabetes I could get away with eating anything and making up for it later, if I felt I could handle that at the time. But I also have a gluten intolerance to consider, a vague lactose intolerance, and an aversion to eating meat most of the time. So meals with other people get really tricky!

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: blogging and forum posting - I started off with a diabetes blog which helped me immensely. Now I want to concentrate on other parts of life and leave diabetes in the background, so it's pretty much dead. But it was fantastic when I needed it most. Forums have been a brilliant help - as I always say, no-one knows diabetes like the diabetics. Doctors have a very general outline and can be handy people to see - but talk to a forum full of diabetics with a little experience and all of a sudden everything makes sense. There's always someone who has been through what you're struggling with right now :)

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: feel incredibly weird! I would have to eat all the stuff that makes diabetes awkward - a baked potato followed by a massive dessert. Then I'd want to exercise - because that's tricky with type 1 D too - it lowers blood sugars. Can you imagine exercising while eating lollies? Sorta seems stupid right, defeating the purpose? Yet I have to munch when I exercise or I collapse in a heap.

22. My illness has taught me: a lot about nutrition. I didn't even know which foods were carbs before I had to deal with this. Diabetes combined with my other health issues, and my son's health issues (oh yeah we're like walking doctors waiting rooms we are) has taught me to be understanding of other people's health issues.

23. Want to know a secret? I want to live to around 100 like a lot of women in my family do... and it pisses me off that diabetes could take that away from me. However I'm very well controlled and should be able to live til I'm bored of living... especially if this cure ever turns up. The cure that's been 5 years away since the 1960s. Hmm. I don't hold much hope - but I have crossed fingers.

24. But I love it when people: understand a little about type 1 diabetes or ask me questions to show they're willing to learn. I don't know how the info out there got so mangled, but people seem to have really weird ideas about what diabetes is!

25. My favourite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: Not specific to diabetes as such... but a good one nonetheless. Dr Suess, of all people, wrote: Be who you are and say what you feel - those who mind don't matter, and those who matter wont mind. Nice :)

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: It's not going to be as bad as you think... life goes on once you're used to it, just with a few extra holes in your body (tests, injections) and a lot of maths going on in your mind.

I'd also want to tell them the biggest tip for controlling diabetes successfully: TEST your blood sugar! You can't avoid highs or lows or live a good normal life without knowing what your blood sugar is doing. Oh, and then, because I can't shut up in situations like that, I'd also want them to know not to put too much weight in the numbers. Look at them as JUST numbers, not a failure or success. It's just a figure to help you get through to the next test... look at it, learn from it, move on.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How different I'd feel sometimes (and yet not affected at all other times) and how little I'd be understood even by my family and others who really try to understand.

28. The nicest thing someone can do for me when I’m not feeling well is: rub my shoulders/back, or just be with me... but don't interfere. I'll already be running it all through my head trying to figure out where it went wrong, I really don't want anyone else offering suggestions or offering pity... I probably want space most of all but a little understanding goes a long way too. And chocolate! Even if I have to put it away 'til later if my blood sugar is high... chocolate is always good and helps me feel normal :)

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:Actually I'm only kinda sorta half involved by accident. I didn't even know about it. What I'm talking about is Diabetes Day... November 14.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Like maybe some people are willing to understand what I go through... or did no one make it past the first answer?!

There's no question here that suits an answer I want to give, so I'm making one up:

What annoys you most about the perception/reputation of your illness? Most people think diabetes is caused by being overweight. Not true (however it can bring out type TWO diabetes earlier than they should have to worry about it, and eating a lot of carbohydrate might cause a strain on the pancreas causing type TWO diabetes. See something there?? NOT TYPE 1.

Type 1 is auto-immune - it wouldn't matter how overweight, underweight, couch potato or sugar-freak I was... none of it makes any difference. Some sort of trigger - possibly a virus or allergy - caused my body to attack its own insulin-producing cells, which left me with none at all, which means I have to do the work of my pancreas manually.

Back to the weight thing - if a type 1 is overweight it probably means they're very well controlled. High blood sugars cause weight loss. That isn't to say that all skinny type 1s are badly controlled, just that if you'd naturally carry more weight then well controlled diabetes will let that happen. So it really pee's me off when someone sees my chubby bits and tut-tuts as if it means I'm a bad diabetic. I'm very very good with my control thank you very much! Oohhh yes this is a touchy subject but I'll stop myself ranting now ;)

To all diabetics out there - type 1s, type 2s, gestational, pre-diabetic etc - World Diabetes Day is all about getting some info out there and helping others to be aware. My hope for the day is that someone might learn enough about it to recognise symptoms in themselves and get diagnosed so they too can lead a fairly normal healthy life with it under control. But something I hope even more is that all diabetics around the world will consider it a day to pat themselves on the back, remember all the work they've put into their own health, smile a little and congratulate themselves on handling another year with an annoyingly broken pancreas.

From my son's mouth:

2009-10-26T13:27:00.000+13:00

"Vista [Windows] is like girls... pretty, extremely annoying, and impossible to understand"

Smart kid ;)

The teenage years

2009-10-19T03:17:00.000+13:00

My son turned 13 a few months ago. The teenage years that I've dreaded since I gave birth have arrived, full throttle!

Freaky.
Tell you what, teenage tantrums are so much trickier than 3 year old tantrums!

One minute he's slamming doors and hating me fiercely, the next minute I get a truly heartfelt apology. I've seen the change from a kid who avoids getting dressed and doing his hair, to a teenager who wants neat clothes and asks for a hair cut. I no longer have a child who wants to hold my hand or follow my lead, now I have a young man who wants to make his own life in his own way.

When he was very young I asked him where he'd want to live when he left home. He said he could never leave me, and if we needed time apart he'd buy the house next door but he'd come and see me every single day.

A few years ago I asked the same question, and the answer was similar but gave him a little more independence - this time he was going to buy a very big house and let me have half of it, and we'd share lots of cats.

I suspect that if I asked again now the answer would be some town far away, but he'd promise to write once a month! (I'll have to ask tomorrow, I'm curious!).

It's a strange thing - a very very strange thing - to watch my baby turn into a man so fast. Well it feels fast, though of course it's just one more step after lots of little ones over the last 13 years. Some time last year I blogged about how he talks my ears off on the drive home from my Mum's house where we go for dinner a couple of times of month. Back then he'd talk about fantasy things, his inventions, the names he'd give to cats, or ideas for computer programs that would never work. Nowadays he's compiling real computer programs in his head and we talk about girls and sex and other stuff that keeps a mother on her toes.

It's been freaking me out a little - but I'm feeling a bit better about it now that I've realised what his growing up has meant for me. It's not just my son letting go and finding his life - it's also me finding my life again. For the first time I'm not needed so much. I can leave him home alone for a while. Having been an at-home single Mum for all those years, that's coming as a big surprise!

And so... with a rather large clunking noise, I had a realisation tonight. It's time I started getting my life back.

Woah.

Holy crap! For all these years I've been Mum. Single Mum, unschooling Mum, hippy Mum... always Mum. I think I've forgotten who I am when I'm not Mum. I have no idea what to do now! Thankfully I have a bit of time to slowly work my way into it... still got some serious teenage stuff to go yet! In the mean time, I can start working towards whatever it is that I'd like to do with my life.

And what is that?? Certainly not the career path I dreamt of taking before I took the role of motherhood.

I have a lot to think about!

Noooooooooooooo!

2009-09-28T13:01:00.000+13:00

Save me!
I just heard a Christmas song on the radio.
It's SEPTEMBER for crying out loud.

It really bothers me how one day's celebration turns into months worth of craziness. I'd like to keep my blinkers on until Dec 24th.

Not that I have anything against Christmas - a day of fun & family can't be wrong. But spare me the commercialism, the expense, the stress!

This week in the garden...

2009-09-27T20:07:00.001+13:00

Having had a very slow week after I did my back in, it felt sooo great to be out in the garden again!

I possibly did a little too much for someone who should be helping her back to recover fully, but I couldn't stop myself.

So... today I:

planted dwarf butter beans
planted broccoli and cauli seedlings out into the front garden
planted three tomato plants into the back garden
found a self seeded snow pea plant (yum!)
re-arranged my porch/sunroom to fit more seedlings
pulled weeds from the side garden, and mulched (just lawn clippings)
trimmed the hebe bushes
and watered the main gardens.

Take that, Winter! I'm embracing Spring :)

A conversation with my son

2009-09-27T19:53:00.000+13:00

My son wandered out with a grin on his face and said:

I know something that a lot of men don't know until they're really old.
Yeh? What's that?
I know what women want!
*smirk* ok - what do women want?
Chocolate!

This week in the garden...

2009-09-21T21:07:00.034+12:00

This week of fantastic weather has been great for the garden :) I've been a busy lass!

mowed the lawns (and did my back in, so taking it slow for the next week or three)
planted celery & leek seeds
planted cape gooseberry seeds
planted zucchini seeds
waited and waited for my eggplants to show but they're still hiding under the dirt (it's been about 3 weeks, wonder if I've killed them?)
a little weeding & mulching, but I'm leaving the chickweed as a protective layer in case we get any more frosts (and I'm saving some for the chickweed pesto that my friend has been talking about, too)
transplanted a couple of sage seedlings
discovered self-sown tomato, broccoli (or cauli?), and strawberry-spinach in various spots all around my two main gardens
brought my garden shelf into the porch ready for the mass of Spring seed planting
covered my strawberries - the birds (or something?) were eating them, even while they're still mini green solid things :( My Alpine strawberries are un-touched!
noticed that my passionfruit loves spring! The two plants sharing a pot in the porch are doing very well, putting on lots of new growth since the sun came out. They're about a year old, nice dark-ish green, maybe 40cm tall. The two plants out in the garden (grown from seed at the same time as the others) were planted out last summer, they're scrawny looking, lighter green, and are still only about 10cm tall.
planted 6 more passionfruit seeds - those will stay under cover for their first year too.
bought 4 bags of organic compost for $20 at Mitre 10, and used one already plus a lot of my own compost.
tidied up the bbq area, pulled a heap of weeds out from the gaps in the decking, and had a good general tidy up (and yet it doesn't look tidy, hurumph!)

A bit of the raw food thing

2009-09-18T12:39:00.001+12:00

RIGHT! That's it. I have to do something...

My health is going downhill!
My cholesterol levels have gone up to a level where they're going to be a problem if they go up any more
My blood sugar averages are up a little
My weight is up
My head feels groggy and my muscles are sore and blah blah blah.

SO! I'm back to basics. Time to look after myself.

It's just basic science isn't it - our bodies need 'petrol' to provide energy and keep us going. If we fill up on the cheap and nasty petrol (too many carbohydrates, especially processed foods, additives, etc) then our bodies just wont work as well.
If we fill up on the good stuff - fresh fruit and veg, nuts, unprocessed foods and all the good healthy stuff - then our bodies will work better for it.

For the last 3 days I've had sliced fresh pineapple for breakfast. Yum. Apples and mandarins or kiwifruit for lunch. Walnuts for afternoon tea. But I'm still having normal dinner and allowing myself a bit of whatever else in the evenings - if I want - but mostly I'm sticking to fruit & veg.

The difference was noticeable by day 2. I slept better and could think straighter, and I had a nice even level of energy with no ups &; downs - which lead to a good level mood, too.

Everything tasted better - I wonder if it's a psycological thing or if somehow all this raw & natural food is good for the taste buds?

I've even lost 1kg already :)

Watch this space!

15 months shampoo-free!

2009-09-17T21:30:00.002+12:00

It's been 15 months since I last put shampoo or conditioner on my hair. What a great success baking soda & apple cider vinegar have been!

I've learnt a few things on the way...
1: stick to the routine. Washing my hair a day early isn't worth it, it just looks worse until my next wash.
2: white vinegar does the job just fine, but apple cider vinegar does it better.
3: my hair seems happiest when it's only washed twice a week. Nowadays it doesn't even get greasy the night before it's due for a wash. Bonus!
4: always let hair dry before putting it up! I was experiencing odd days where my hair looked really lank, kinda oily, wouldn't sit right and it seemed there was nothing I could do to make it better - especially not washing it again (see number 1!). I eventually clicked (it took a year!) that those days where when I was impatient and put my hair back before it was dry. When I do that my hair stays wet all day, even if it's just where the hairclip or tie sits, that's enough to stuff the whole lot up until the next wash.

15 months with no shampoo, no conditioner, no hair goo of any kind. Years since I regularly used soap. Years since I regularly used make-up or beauty products. I don't even use moisturisers any more - just a bit of bio-oil if I really need it, or sunblock.

I think I've reached a milestone, I'm proud of myself for following through on my goals. It's nice to be here at this end of it all, knowing it's all worked wonderfully. It was pretty tricky to get started though!

You know Spring is coming when...

2009-09-15T13:29:00.009+12:00

The Alpine Strawberries put on a big growth spurt

The Fresias poke their heads out from the lavender

The carrots put on so much growth it looks like a little forest

The first broccoli head of the season is coming through (these were planted for WINTER! Seriously slow growing.)


Bright and beautiful flowers are popping up all over the place. This is my wild garden. Never got around to converting these bits to veggie garden - which is a good thing, it's nice to have some colourful flowers growing rampant and livening up the yard :)

The first Tulip of the season looking gorgeous.

Those *$0+#$ hydrangeas! Lots of people love these but around here they grow like weeds, popping up in just about every corner of every garden. I have at least 10 of them and they're hard to get rid of!

The first Loquats are coming up on the tree

My gnome, Jeremy, is seen lying about on the job. Obviously being legless isn't good for him.
(Poor Jeremy was in an accident last year and broke in two, so now he's Jeremy the legless garden gnome).

The self-seeded parsley is attempting to take over the world. This is after I've given about 30 plants away to friends & strangers. Needs some serious thinning!

The white lavender is showing off, and looking quite impressive along my path. Just have to remember to trim it soon, so it grow back in time for all those flowers to attract the bees when I need them most.

The grass is growing very long, yep, it must be spring!

But the biggest hint that Spring is approaching: spending a day out in the sun in just a t-shirt, and realising that your face is lightly fried.

Mental note: keep the sunblock on hand from now on!

:)

2009-06-24T00:16:00.006+12:00

NEW BLOG!

I've had enough of the old wordpress site, so I'm back to old faithful, blogger.

Just give me some time to set stuff up, tidy up round the edges, and uhh, make Spring come faster... coz there really isn't anything to blog about without decent gardening weather.

See you then :)